Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
