I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
