last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
