plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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