I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
