Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
