I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
