so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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