She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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