He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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