I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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