Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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