one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
