Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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