So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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