I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
