it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I am spending my child support on dildos
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
