I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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