he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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