If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
