Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
