And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
