My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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