Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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