i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
