that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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