If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
