I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
