yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
