my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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