its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
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