he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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