You smell like a Billy Joel song
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
only you would photoshop your dick
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i think i just lost a toe
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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