my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
