our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
