The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
