I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I am available for nakedness
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
