i need an iv and a liver transplant
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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