nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
