why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
