Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
