Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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