TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
