dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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