She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
