So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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