The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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