I skipped work to stalk him.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
