You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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