I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
